November 5, 2007

Fourteen years ago I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. I was out of work, on disability, completely unable to function in everyday life. I couldn’t muster up the energy to get out of bed, let alone do the grocery shopping. And if I did make it to the store, I would experience a panic attack and have to leave before I was able to make my purchase.

I was in a rut! I had forgotten who I was and how to give love and receive love. My beautiful path that once flowed when I followed my heart, had been interrupted by the raging storms that had passed through my world. I was left “damaged” by the storms and unable to pick myself back up and rebuild my life. I had given up on myself, my hopes and dreams and my life. I had retreated to my bedroom and shut out the light. It was a very dark place where I lay, defeated and lifeless.

Then this one day I was driving down the hill on the way to my Psychiatrist appointment for my “med check” when this song came on the radio. It was one of my old time favorites. “We built this city on Rock and Roll”! I remembered a time when I was dancing and rocking out to this familiar tune, a time in my past when I was happy and free! I began to sing along as I was winding down this hill, remembering the love and joy I used to feel and express.

I had loved this song so much that I had shared with my family and friends that I would like this song to be played at my funeral. It represented the essence of who I thought myself to be. Thinking about my life and how ”lifeless” I had become, I could actually visualize this song being played at my funeral. With the music blaring and the beat of the drum vibrating throughout my body, suddenly I opened the sun roof and screamed at the top of my lungs, “I choose life!”

Something happened when I screamed this proclamation. The energy shifted in me and the world around me. In this moment I remembered and could actually feel how much I once loved life. Just hearing this song brought me to the place where I could recall and motivated me to release this dark cloud that had been hovering over. This one song inspired me to choose again. I decided in this moment that I wanted to feel the love and passion of life again! The cloud had lifted! I was clear!

It was more than a light bulb moment, because it was a feeling that precipitated the thought. It was in my cellular memory, the recollection of the feeling of love. I was consumed by the spirit of the song. It was the vibration of the music that embraced me and healed me. I weaned my self off the medication, I was prescribed, and began to feel again. But what I felt was the sadness, anger, pain and disappointment from my situation and circumstances in life that the medication had blocked and kept me from feeling. I knew I had to face these feelings of darkness if I was to come back to the place where I could feel and express the passion and love of life again.

For nine months I cried. I cried over every hurt I had ever experienced throughout my life. I wrote letters to all the people who had hurt me and let me down. I did not mail these letters, because some to whom they were written, were no longer among the living. It wasn’t about them, it was about ME! I needed to express my true feelings that I had suppressed at the time.

After I had completed this process in my healing, I heard the words from my still small voice within, “You did not deserve to be treated this way. Forgive them for they knew not what they were doing. Accept that these things happened to you and now it is time for you to forgive and let it go.” And so I did.

The tears ceased and I was completely renewed and eager to go out and experience all that life had to offer again. I had a new outlook on life! Everything and everyone was beautiful and pure as if the rain of my tears had washed away from my memory all that was not of love. And I listened to the radio and all the wonderful songs that fed my soul and reminded me that love is all that really matters.

Love is the highest vibration in the Universe and it is the solution to every problem. It will heal anyone, anytime, any place, if we only let it in. Choose life and love again!

So whatever you are experiencing or feeling today, we remind you to choose life and love again! Let go of the things you have no control over and take control of your life!Allow the vibration of your favorite tunes to fill you, embrace you and heal you. Cleanse your hurt and pain through the blessing of your tears. Write your letters and set yourself free! Begin again! Choose to think differently! And love your life!

Life is a glorious journey through time and space. Wherever it takes you, choose love and enjoy the ride!

In Love and Light,
Kerry and her Angels

Copyright © 2007 Kerry Sue Hettleman