May 3, 2007

While everything in our world is changing, so are we and our relationships with others. People come and go from our lives and some are here to stay. If we can accept that this is the way of life then we can let go when one relationship ends and at the same time, be open to beginning another.

Letting go of any loved one, due to a severed relationship caused by differences or by death can be difficult when we are still holding on. I remember a time in my life where I was put in a position to choose between my best friend and my daughter. Not an easy position to be in. My childhood friend of 30 plus years was married to a man who was inappropriate with women, including my young daughter. After many years of protecting her from him there was yet another situation in a social gathering in our home where he grabbed her and squeezed her derriere and stated his desire of what he would like to do to her. Finally, a confrontation that was long overdue! When her father confronted him with this he replied in a glib manner, “Do you think you are man enough to do something about it?” Before we knew it, these two men, in their 60’s, were exchanging blows and rolling around in the grass out in our front yard.

When my friend came upstairs and informed me what was going on and stated that she was going to call the police and press charges against my ex-husband I replied, “If you do, I can tell you he is not the only one who will be going downtown. Your husband will be going with him.” She looked at me and said, “What do you mean?” I will never forget the look on her face. She had absolutely no idea what I was referring to and denied any wrong doing on her husband’s part. She swore my daughter was making this up. She was in complete denial in regard to the behaviour of her husband. I explained to her that he had done this to me before and there were at least seven other women downstairs, in that very moment, who would be willing to testify that her husband has done the same to them. (They had all confided in me over the years and just happened to be at my house this particular evening.) Everyone knew but her! She was speechless, walked out and I never heard from her again.

Allowing People to Grow at Their Own Rate:

In the days and months following I processed the evening over and over again recalling every moment and every word wondering if a reconciliation were possible at this point in the relationship? I finally accepted that I had lost my best friend and boy did it hurt! I had affirmed and reaffirmed that I would not have done anything differently if I were to have this moment to relive or do over. My daughter had been tormented by this man for years! He used to hold her upside down when she was a little girl and tease her ruthlessly until we would rescue her from his clutches. I knew she was telling the truth because he had grabbed me from behind too! But I was a woman who had made a decision to not tolerate such behaviour. I elbowed him in the stomach, when he did this to me. Knocked the wind right out of him! And he uttered, “What a woman!” I replied, “Woman enough to put men like you in your place! He never bothered me again.

I was an adult who had learned how to handle men like this. My daughter was not! She looked to us to protect her. I realized I had lost my best friend, but somehow I was “at peace” in concluding that as long as she was in denial about her husbands discrepancies that we could no longer be friends. She loved him and believed in him and honestly could not see or hear this truth about him. And this woman is a Judge! She sits on the bench in her courtroom today, and continues to order ”judgments” on others. She believes herself to be an honest woman with integrity. And she is, to the extent that she is able to perceive and process “truth”.

After many years of friendship I believed that we would be friends forever! We had our ups and downs as any friendship does, but we were always able to find a common ground and come back together after expressing our differences. It was so sad to accept that our friendship was over yet it seemed to be in everyone’s best interest to no longer hold on to what was but to accept what is and to part our separate ways! Still we are connected in spirit by the love that we once expressed and shared over the years. Even though we are apart, we are still together. She is with me everyday, in my heart.

Truth and Denial:

We all know that truth is relative. There is one truth and we all have bits and pieces of it based on our ability to perceive and process. Denial is when we are not able to see truth for whatever reason. So we are alluding to another truth. The illusion of truth! How can we make a statement of what is “the truth” and what is not? We can only make an assumption or come to our own conclusion to what truth really is based on our present level of understanding. The key to discerning truth from illusion is to go within and question. Be sincere and open to receive more truth. It is our responsibility to speak from our truth and listen and respect theirs. Truth reveals itself when we go within. Each must go within and unfold truth in his own time and his own way.

A big gap or difference in truth can precipitate separation. The parting of ways can come between even the best of friends. Families and even countries separate when they encounter differences in their perception of truth. Wars are fought over these differences and when one imposes their truth upon another. Until we are all vibrating on this frequency of Oneness, we will continue to have separation and discord among friends, brothers and sisters, and within our world. We must live our truth and respect others in order to have peace.

When we trust that all is divine and accept that relationships can and do change because of the illusions of different truths, people will continue to come and go from our lives. We can maintain our peace if we understand and accept the differences in our expressions and allow others to grow at their own rate. When you engage in a battle of truths no one wins. You do not need to apologize for speaking your truth and you cannot prove anything to anyone. You can, however, agree to disagree? And if you must part, shed your tears, feel the loss and move forward in your truth, love and light. Accept that there may be a gap in your individual frequencies where one or both may be rejecting instead of accepting the differences which will result in the temporary illusion of separation. Bless it and let it be!

United We Stand, Divided We Fall: Hold the Light in your Oneness!

When all of mankind can accept his Oneness with “the Divine Creator” then and only then will he be able to accept the differences in our individual expressions of the One, and truly realize that we are all connected. In this place of Oneness nothing can hide, there is One truth and all is connected in this glorious love and light that is everywhere and in everyone. This is when we will have peace!
In the meantime, until we can all come to this understanding we remain divided. We will continue to experience change and separation in our relationships. Have faith that the day will come when the veil will be lifted, the mystery will be revealed, and we will all understand, live together in peace and celebrate our differences in our Oneness.

In Love and Light,
Kerry and her Angels

Copyright © 2007 Kerry Sue Hettleman